Saturday, January 19


Been really busy cramming myself with a lot of things. I hardly have time for myself anymore. And when I mean for myself, I really mean for myself, just to relax in my room reading books, playing some games, doing things basically for me, myself and I. That's right. It's kinda selfish, but everyone needs that kind of time off. At least I do.

It's, however, not happening to me at this moment in time. I'm working 8 to 5 at Jurong Island, but I get up at 6 in the morning, and only come back by 6 plus in the evening. I have dinner with my neighbours, and half the night is gone. By the time I settle some nightly stuff and settle down in my room, it's 10pm. I basically only have time to check my mail, pack up my room, chat with Xin, get ready for tomorrow and I (hope to) sleep at 12am. Usually I sleep at 1am. I don't know why.

I'm not complaining. I'm just too drained to do that. I just feel that I'm trying to make up for time that I haven't spent on doing some things, spending time with some people I once spent lots of time with and at the same time coping with new friends. Basically trying to let myself feel occupied. I think I succeeded in making myself feel occupied so much so that I'm starting to choke.

It's hard not to want to fill up a certain vacancy that was always there, and now it's gone. I never ever felt so vulnerable to time, or the lack of it. Now it feels as though I can't stand having to return to nothing. It makes me want to work myself till I'm just tired enough to collapse and sleep it through.

I tell myself it's a good break from being constantly attached to someone, having to coordinate different needs, different wants, different schedules. But I really want is something that I can look forward to.

It's week 2, and I'm still left with 20 weeks to get through.

Posted by Isabelle at 10:50 pm

Monday, January 7


Hai.

I'm finally starting work tomorrow. It kinda sucks, because it's like finally letting the truth settle in my head, that I'm going to start my semester alone, and that it's going to be that way for the next 6 months. That feeling sucks.

Currently I'm just packing myself with a lot of things to do, hoping I don't think about anything too much. It's going to be wake-up-work-come-back-hall-sleep kind of routine, and I think currently that's best for me.

Not anticipating tomorrow.

Posted by Isabelle at 1:26 am